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Ryan McGee
Inspirational thought of the week:
Mama, what have you done?
I trace your steps in the darkness of one
Am I what’s left?
Silver lines whisper to me
“Wounded arms must carry the load”
We’re spitting off the edge of the world, out in the night
Never had no chance, nowhere to hide
We’re spitting off the edge of the world, (nowhere to run)
Never had no chance, (out comes the sun)
Spitting off the edge of the world
— “Spitting off the Edge of the World” — Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Here at Bottom 10 Headquarters, currently located behind the Goodwill bin where Pat McAfee donates all the sleeves that he cuts off his shirts, we can’t believe that two weeks of college football are already in the books — 2⅛ if you include Week 0, and at the Bottom 10, we live for zeroes.
That’s why we jumped up off the pleather Barcalounger we found on the street and dumped a hot pot pie into our laps as the clock hit zeroes at Florida‘s Swamp, ending a game-winning drive by our old pals US(Not C)F that had been extended when a Gator made a zero-sum decision and spit into the face of a Bull. That’s generally a bad plan, trust me. When I was a kid visiting my uncle Will’s farm, I spit into the face of a bull and it proceeded to kick me between two loblolly pines like USF‘s field goal went through the uprights.
Watching football these days pic.twitter.com/CQKlDufMfs
– Chris Vannini (@crCanniniin) September 6, 2025
It was the most notorious expectoration since Keith Hernandez’s “Magic Loogie” hit Kramer, since Jim Croce tried to spit into the wind before messing with Jim or since, well, the other two sports-related spitting incidents that happened the very same week as the one in Gainesville. See: Jalen Carter of the Philadelphia Eagles and soccer player Luis Suárez of Inter Miamiwho actually upgraded by spitting because he usually bites people.
With apologies to former Ohio State linebacker Austin Spitler, ex-Syracuse defensive back Russ Spitz, spitball ace Gaylord Perry and Steve Harvey, here’s the post-Week 2 Bottom 10 rankings.
The Minutemen started their game against the Bryant Bulldogs — who were picked to finish 13th in the 14-team FCS Colonial Athletic Association — with an FPI-calculated chance of winning at 90% and indeed jumped to a 20-3 late in the first half. But they lost 27-26 via a walk-off field goal. It was the biggest turnaround for a Bryant since Kobe’s baseline fadeaway.
The Bearkats kouldn’t klose out Hawaii as they sukkumbed two Warriors signal calls Luke Weaverwho both katapulted and karried the pigskin for a kombined 320 yards of offense.
September #MACtion Paycheck Season update: The Cards received $1.2 million from Purdue and $1.3 million from Auburn for their first two games, which they lost by a combined score of 73-3. That’s $833,333.33 per point scored.
In other financial news, the Golden Flashes in the Pan lost to Texas Techwhich has a reported athletic department NIL payroll of $55 million. The closest Kent State has ever come to that kind of money is when Nick Saban dropped his money clip at an alumni function.
You thought this was just going to be Florida, didn’t you? But sometimes the Coveted Fifth Spot is too small of a room to fit all those who deserve a week spent in it. Like how Arizona State coach Kenny Dillingham described Starkville before going there and losing Saturday as a 2024 CFP qualifier versus a Mississippi State team that won two games a season ago.
Everyone should have someone in their lives who politicks for them the way that MTSU alums have worn me out on social media to include their team in these rankings. The last time a group of Tennesseans lobbied this hard for anything was when Volunteers fans tried to have the wastewater treatment plant next to campus named for Lane Kiffin.
Speaking of bitter Big Orange, whenever UCLA’s new QB makes a mistakemy phone vibrates from more 865 area code numbers than the Dollywood complaint line when they run out of cinnamon bread.
Charlotte, formerly UNC-Charlotte, hosted the Tar Heels, formerly UNC-Chapel Hill but now UNC-Chapel Bill, in the season’s first Pillow Fight of the Week of the Year. Belichick earned his first win as a college head coach and celebrated by throwing the credentials of New England Patriots scouts into a bonfire.
For the second consecutive week, the Other Other Owls scored nine points. After surrendering just 10 points to Wake Forest in Week 1, they were edged by Indiana 56-9. Now, they will face Merrimack, which is taking on its second Bottom 10 team in three weeks, with a win over St. Anselm sandwiched in between. Saint Anselm was the Archbishop of Canterbury until his death in the year 1109, coincidentally the same year Belichick started coaching.
This was a Fun Belt toss-up between Georgia State Not Southern and Georgia Southern Not State. They are both 0-2, so we went with a points for/points against tiebreaker. Southern has surrendered 101 points and scored 34. State also has surrendered 101 points but scored only 23. Mark your calendars for Oct. 18. The score will be tied 101-101 at the end of regulation, and whoever wins in overtime will retain exclusive rights to the usage of GSU, while the other will have to change all its lettering to GUS.
Waiting list: Oregon Trail State (you have died of dysentery), Do You Know The Way to San Jose State, Stanford, Eastern Michigan University Emus, the whole bottom half of #MACtion, Marshall Blundering Herd, UNC-Chapel Bill, weather delays.
